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    Monday, November 28, 2005

    Fierce Girl in the nth dimension

    The hardest thing I have learned how to do is to be fierce when I need to be. Getting angry is like this marvellous superpower, this magic weapon to cut through all the slime and misery of life sometimes. If I don't get it out, it just overheats my core until there is this implosion and I am left desolate, wrecked, hopeless. Sometimes the only way for me to gauge if someone is hurting me is when my superpower is triggered, and I pull on my cape and boots and say, "No more!" Wrestle the train tracks back into alignment, stand firm as the buildings tumble around me, arms crossed on my chest, feet planted. I'm not going anywhere.

    So one of the hardest things he has asked of me is to put that away. To retire my costume and all my rage and just try to be normal like other people. He says he can't take anger, that it hurts him. But I don't think that's fair, really.

    I know a lot of people think getting angry is a bad thing. It's dark and destructive and can go all awry. But it can also be the feeling that gets you to pick yourself back up off the ground. And I love the man, but he is going to crush me eventually.