Screwing up my courage to be like normal folk (in my own peculiar little way)

PA boy is this guy who I always run into. I have made a couple of abortive attempts to become friends with him - based on what? For some reason I just find him an attractive person, and I have this gut feeling I would like to be friends with him.

I saw him today at Java U, and I thought about just going over to talk to him. It would be nice to have a friend. I thought about how I might try explaining to him that I think he seems nice, based on almost no acquaintance (although we have actually spoken before and everything). I just worry as ever that I am going to come across as weird and intense. I feel weird and intense. I haven't felt wonderful at all today.

There is this deep blizzard on outside. The buildings are all strange, pulled out of context and superimposed on this flat white backdrop.

I'd like to make some friends at school. It isn't fair on M to rely on him alone. My other friends are all working grown-up jobs or far away. I need new people to talk to, to bounce ideas off. It's boring here, at school. I don't like myself when I'm bored. I want to feel excited about life.

(from my notebook)

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After writing this, I drank a hot chocolate and stared out the window, until I just felt so ridiculous that I decided to go over and say something. Awkward as it was, I basically just told PA boy that I want to be friends with him. We are both older than most of the other people in our programs, and he seems intelligent and interesting. He also has a girlfriend, and he knows about M, so that was good to get out of the way. We exchanged e-mails.

He sent me one right away, that says: "And now we are friends." We'll see.